Confession #21
I’ve decided to not look like an idiot anymore, and I’m going back to word documents, goodnight Tumblr.
Confession #20
I miss writing and I haven’t done it in a while since I don’t have English anymore. Yesterday I talked about sex for hours with a girl, in my car, alone, in a huge parking lot. But nothing happened, and that’s alright, because those kinds of things happen, and it will always just happen. Marijuana doesn’t make you smart, and whoever says that is an idiot. I got unbelievably high last night. I couldn’t even light the bong anymore, and as one of my friends was asking for my water, (the only water there), and another asked for the bong cause I couldn’t handle the task of lighting it, they both reached for them at the same time. It overwhelmed me so much, that I withdrew both and I started laughing hysterically, which turned to tears of laughter, and then I sat there for about 5 minutes drying my eyes like a fucking retard, while everyone was giggling their little laugh boxes off. The point of the story is, that weed is great and it has helped me accept who I most likely am, and make some interesting friends. Also, everyone has a but. No, not a butt. A but. Think about that for a while.
Confession #19
I’m writing a book as soon as my anxiety goes away. So, never.
Confession #18
If I could change right now to anything, I would change right now to 1972 so I could make friends with people that have the same interests as me and drop out and go to California and we’d all get shitty jobs and live in an apartment and do shit for the rest of our short, drug filled lives. (Or replace friends with a girl)
(via flimzy)
(via shit-thatblows)
Confession #17
Why not do another. I feel better now that I’m writing. I’ve always wanted to write a book. See, that’s a confession. These are confessions, so stop complaining. No one is complaining, that was pointless to say. I’m atheist, I don’t know if that’s relevant, but it is. I really wish I was religious. I would love to be able to shut out everything around me and just know, that if I pray to this entity, and follow his rules, I don’t have to do anything but just wait to die, and eventually live in heaven, and be happy for all eternity. I hope they have pot and Nintendo64. That’d be great. I really am obsessed with red skies and tall grass blowing in spring wind. I don’t know why, but that’s what I imagine death as. Tall grass in the wind, with red clouds above. Why? I don’t fucking know, but that’s what my stupid mind likes. I believe the mind and brain are two totally different things, and that’s why I feel a lot more comfortable arguing with myself. I just thought of the twitching creature again and I teared up. I wonder if anyone else gets like that. Most people are afraid of windows at night, that’s normal I think. When I do laundry I back as far away as I can so I’m not close to the windows, because if someone or something came by, I would want to die. Although I already want to die, but I wouldn’t want to be alive at that moment. There is this stupid doll that looks really creepy that’s in the room by my bedroom. It’s my mom’s old doll that used to be my Grandma’s. It scares me a lot, but I feel that since I say hello to it, and goodbye it won’t do anything. Not that I’m stupid enough to think it would actually COME ALIVE AND KILL ME AHH. -_- no. It’s more of a spiritual thing. I don’t know, I’m just kind of stupid that way. I hate explaining things about my mind to people because I always feel like an 8th grader telling his friends how high he is after he hung out with some people that were smoking and he took one bitch hit. I take bitch hits but that’s okay because it works for me, don’t judge bro. I wonder if the cops see this I could get arrested? Hopefully not. Lil’ Wayne smokes in all his videos, and Kid Cudi, they haven’t been arrested for pot-stuff. Whatever. This has been horrible, I feel bad for whoever read this. I sincerely apologize. I’ll go write a book soon. It’ll be fun.
Confession #16
I really shouldn’t do another. People don’t like to read text, they like to see pictures of naked women and cars painted bright colors. But this really honestly isn’t for whoever is reading this or anything, I might start just writing on word documents, but it’s kind of comforting to know some random person from Germany might read this, and think oh, how unfortunate. People from my school follow me but I don’t think they ever look at actual pages, they just look at the front pages and such, so this probably won’t be seen, and that’s fine. I just realized a person from Germany wouldn’t understand this. Most of them speak English though, I hope he or she could understand it. It’d be a shame for them not to be able to read it. I’ve been listening to Nirvana all night. It’s good. None of this has really been a confession, but I honestly don’t give a fuck.
Confession #15
This is quite pointless. I’m high right now, and have gone through 6 incense sticks, and 2 bowls. I’m doing laundry but not my homework. I get afraid of doing my homework, so I do other stuff. But while I’m doing other stuff I know I should do my homework, so I get scared again. Then I think it’s time to do my homework, but I realize so much time has gone by, I have no time to do it now, so I continue doing other stuff, until it’s really early in the morning, then I BS it all in 10 minutes. It’s worked for years, but now I have a 2.4. I have never studied for a test, minus a few chemistry/history ones, but only because I did it with someone else. If I’m left on my own, I’ll never do it. I don’t know what it is, but I get panic attacks of thinking of a faceless person twitching their head back and forth very quickly. Every room I walk into, I fear that black faceless creature will be sprawled in the corner of the room, on the ceiling, with their head twitching impossibly fast back and forth. Typing about this right now makes me want to cry and I’m breathless. What the flying fuck.
(Source: surferdude182, via flimzy)
Confession #14
I don’t know why I do this. Apparently I have anxiety problems, which really isn’t news to me. I no longer do hurdles which makes me happy. My last day of work is March 26th. I want to go to bed, so I will.
Confession #13
Today, I woke up on my own, I stubbed my toe, I actually ate breakfast for the first time in two weeks, I watched Brad Pitt have sex in movie, in a class with my ex-girlfriend, I dressed up like a woman, I flirted with a girl that likes me just because she’s really nice, (I don’t exactly like her), I made plans with friends for this weekend, I ran in the rain, I hurt my leg even more, I went 60 on oncoming just to see if I would crash, I yelled at my father, I nearly got in my car and ran away again, I thought of all the different ways I could kill myself and a million reasons to do so, I slammed 4 doors, I listened to some music and lit some incense, I went to work, I talked with James Saddler about College, the other closing worker was Autistic so I had to do both jobs at work, in the pouring rain, I met some stoner muslims that literally smoked out of a bong in their car, they waved to me, another muslim man dropped a thick folded up piece of paper in the rain, and I ran after him after he got in the car and handed it to him, it had $500 in it, I finally got home, I told my father about how my life is nowadays, he said “okay”, I sat down at the computer, I looked at some pictures of wide open plains, and then I wrote this. Now I am done.
(via motherfuckerzone)
